Nirmohee..

Nirmohee meaning : someone who doesn't have any love not hatred , for anyone or anything. Someone who is neutral to the world and what is happening surround she/he. in simple meaning is ruthless / unfeeling

I'm not sure, what the post title have to do with my life now..

what would u feel, when everything you set up from the beginning of time , suddenly had been cut off by something unexpected event....

from the beginning everything went  quite smooth.then now.. I felt very uhhhh..

disappointed may be? 

frustrated? 

happy? 

excited?

sad?  

sorrow?

which i'm not sure what kind of feeling im going thru right now..( so at this moment, when people asking me any question , i may give a straight forward answer and wouldn't care if it a sensitive answer..im sorry)

i was planning that after my graduation i'll have my knee operation which after all the checked up, i've done my x ray which have resulted  that i have a  normal bone but when i did my MRI wuhhuuu :

• ACL full-body tear
• Tear of the posterior horn of the medial meniscus
• tears of the anterior and posterior horns of the lateral meniscus
• LCL tear

then, i have some issues with my insurance policy, which they declined the procedure and the operation can't be proceed... that's kind a disappointed moment ever, (feeling like a failure) because without the operation im forever like this..

i'm glad that i still can walk but sometime its become unstable to stand-still , walking fast or run (no way!), the knee making popping sounds..

i have planned that after the operation, which i can walk normal again , i would find a job, but now all...(silence moment) ..i need to start of new plan..and i have no idea..

the mixed emotions are suck! sometimes i have this kind of self motivation session burst out of myself , makes me planning on this and that but realize it..oh man!! my leg..!! then i felt bad, sad..next i felt no matter what i can do this..trying so hard to walk normal no matter what..urghh that's really suck! its painful! but i still can smile  yahhh smile like this :) 

oh ya btw..happy belated birthday to myself..i'm 25 a week today..and have been for almost a month jobless/jobseeker...i wished i'll find some better job out there.. in future InsyaAllah.. :)

and not to forget to have my getaway..across the universe hahaa may be..InsyaAllah.. because i did qurbann my vacation to Yogjakarta.. 

everyday : 

• wake up 6 am, 
• going to dad's office (if needed) if not (i would stay at home), 
• asking for any work/chores that i can do,
•  watching tv, 
• surfing net looking for a job (resume submission online)
•  open any show on tv ( if there any i would like to watch).... ohh how pathetic is that.. right?!

but hurmm.. at least i can make my parents happy for helping their business and staying at home with them 24/7 or else..going out with my bff.. thanks fellows for being  around me all the time  :)

*music playing now : Subhanallah from movie called Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani..

( the best 2013  Bollywood movie so far..the plot of the story very nice, somehow i can relate myself to the story :D )